


True To Your Heart

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 Season 4, Coda, Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Season/Series 04, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, post episode: s04e02 alone together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29030325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: After his talk with Dr. Copeland, Buck decides it's time to finally talk about his feelings.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 47
Kudos: 454





	True To Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after episode 2 of season 4, so there are some references to the episode.
> 
> Check out the gorgeous cover art that ronordmann made for this fic [here](https://ronordmann.tumblr.com/post/642981813627813888/true-to-your-heart)

When Buck starts seeing a therapist, he doesn't intend for it to be a secret. At least not for long. Then the world goes to shit, and all their lives get turned upside down. Bringing it up never seems important. Not with everything else going on. 

He knows he could have corrected everyone when they assumed he had some secret crush, but it just seemed easier to go with it. At least for a time. This is just for him anyway. After everything that’s happened over the past few years, it’s something he’s needed. He was a little wary at first, especially after the last time he went to therapy. But he’s not that Buck anymore. And Dr. Copeland certainly isn’t his previous therapist. 

For the first time in a long time, Buck feels heard. He doesn’t feel like he has to hold back, either out of fear of being too much or not wanting to burden the people he loves. Sure, there were some bumps at first. Dr. Copeland had to coax the words out of him. But as the weeks went on and Buck grew more comfortable, it made it easier to speak his truth. At least in therapy.

His sessions have left him with a lot to think about. Especially with how much he holds back outside their sessions. He knows if he wants to continue down this path he's on, he's going to need to start being honest with the people in his life. 

He knows exactly where to start. 

It still doesn't mean he's not nervous as he drives across town and parks in front of the house that's become like a second home to him. He debates knocking but remembers Eddie's exasperated eye roll the last time he had. 

_"You have a key for a reason. Use it."_

And Buck has. Many times. Sometimes when he just needed an escape from Chimney. He loves the guy, but he's not going to miss his snoring. 

The lights in the living room and kitchen are off when Buck slips inside. He kicks off his shoes and puts his keys in the bowl by the door. He moves down the hall towards Christopher's room, where the light is still on. What he sees when he peeks inside has his heart skipping in his chest and a soft smile forming on his lips. 

Eddie and Christopher are both asleep in his small bed. Eddie's laptop is on Christopher's lap in front of him. The screen is black, so they must have passed out a while ago. No doubt after a call with Carla. 

Buck knows how much Christopher has missed seeing her, but she hasn't wanted to risk it. Buck just hopes that one day soon it'll be safe again. 

Quietly, he walks over to the bed and picks the laptop up. He closes it and puts it on Christopher's dresser. He debates leaving them both to sleep, but he knows that at the angle Eddie's sleeping he'll wake up with a sore neck if he stays that way much longer. 

So he kneels next to the bed and gently touches Eddie's shoulder. Eddie's eyes blink open, unfocused at first, before settling on Buck. 

He opens his mouth, but Buck shakes his head and brings a finger to his lips, nodding to where Christopher is still sleeping soundly. Eddie nods, and Buck leaves him to extract himself from Christopher. 

He grabs two beers from the fridge and opens them, tossing the caps in the trash. Eddie joins him not even a minute later. He yawns and rubs a hand through his hair. 

"Okay?" Eddie asks him. 

Buck nods, "Yeah. Everything's great. I was hoping we could talk, but if you're too tired."

Eddie shakes his head and takes the beer Buck offers him. "I'm good. But the words we need to talk rarely are."

Buck chuckles, "I didn't say that. I said I was _hoping_ we could talk."

"There's a difference?"

"Tonight there is."

At least that's what Buck's hoping.

Eddie takes a pull from his beer and leans back against the counter. His posture is open. Welcoming. Buck takes that as a good sign. "What's on your mind?"

"I'm seeing someone," Buck says. Eddie's eyebrows shoot up, and Buck realizes how that must have sounded. "A therapist," he's quick to add. "I've been talking to a therapist."

"Yeah?"

Buck nods and takes a sip from his beer, "Yeah. Dr. Copeland. She's great. She's uh… she's helped me a lot these past few months."

"That's great, Buck," Eddie says. He sounds genuinely happy. Which Buck appreciates. He knows Eddie hasn't had the greatest luck with therapy himself, but he's also not one to knock it if it works for someone else. 

"She said something the other day about how I hide my true feelings from others," Buck continues. "At first, I thought she had it wrong. You know, I'm always making things about myself, right?"

Eddie shakes his head, "Buck…"

"No, just let me…" He stops and runs a hand through his hair. "Let me finish, okay?"

Eddie gestures for him to go on.

"I know I have made things about myself in the past," Buck says. "But at the same time, I've been holding back. I've never really let myself talk about how I feel. I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing or people realizing I'm too much and leaving. Just like they always do."

"Buck, no one is going to leave you," Eddie says. 

"But they have," Buck says. There's no denying that. "My parents were hardly around. Maddie left the first chance she got and never looked back. Which I can't blame her for. Abby left. And you…"

"I'm right here," Eddie tells him. "I'm not going anywhere."

"With our jobs, there's no guarantee of that," Buck reminds him. Not that either of them needs it. Buck still has nightmares sometimes about Eddie being trapped underground and not being able to save him. But that's not what he came here to talk about. Quieter, he says, "And you might anyway once you know the truth."

Eddie frowns, "What are you talking about?"

Buck's heart feels like it's going to beat right out of its chest. His palms are sweating, and breathing isn't coming all that easy anymore. But he pushes past all that. He came here for a reason. Buck takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders as he meets Eddie's gaze, "I'm bisexual."

Eddie's quiet for a moment, his eyes searching Buck's face. "Okay."

"Okay? That's all you have to say?"

"I'm a little offended, if I'm being honest, that you thought you being bi would make me not want to have around," Eddie says. 

"Oh umm…" Buck rubs the back of his neck and smiles shyly. "That's not everything. The rest is about you. Us."

_My true feelings,_ Buck thinks.

Eddie puts his beer down and takes a few steps closer. "I think I know where you're going with this."

Buck's brow furrows, "You do?"

"It's where we've been heading for a long time," Eddie says. "So, for the sake of being true to ourselves, you should know something too."

"What's that?"

Eddie leans in close to his ear, and Buck tries not to shiver as his warm breath puffs across his skin. "I'm bi."

"Oh."

" _Oh_. That's all you have to say?" Eddie teases. 

Eddie's bi. Buck admits he's been hoping. And well, some of the looks between them have made him suspect. But still, hearing the words directly from Eddie’s lips eases some of his worries. Especially paired with the teasing smile on his face. It’s warm. Familiar. Even as they’re on the edge of uncharted territory.

“I love you.” That technically hadn’t been what Buck planned to say. At least not yet. He’d intended to ease into it. Now the words are out there, and Buck’s not going to take them back. He came here to be honest, and that’s what he’s going to do. So he lifts his eyes to meet Eddie’s. “I _love_ you.”

Eddie’s hand comes up to cup Buck’s cheek, still slightly damp from the beer he was holding, but Buck can barely pay any mind to that. Not with Eddie so close and looking at him so seriously. “Okay.”

Buck’s brow furrows. “Okay? Seriously, Eddie. I tell you I love you, and all you can say is...mmph!”

Buck’s words are stolen from him in a breath as Eddie leans down and kisses him. He pulls back just as quickly, Buck whines. Eddie chuckles and brushes his finger across Buck’s face, paying special attention to his birthmark. His eyes are shining as he looks up at Buck with a smile, “I love you.”

“Say that again,” Buck whispers.

Eddie obliges him. He brushes their noses together before pressing a soft kiss to his lips, letting his own lips linger there as he murmurs. “I love you, Evan Buckley.”

Buck grins and kisses him again. Slower. Deeper. Pouring every ounce of love he feels for this amazing man into the kiss. Eddie gives it right back. His arms wrap around Buck, enveloping him in an embrace of warmth and security Buck has been craving. Now, after all this time, he has it here with Eddie. And this is only the beginning. 

* * *

The next morning, Buck's phone rings. Dr. Copeland's name flashes across the screen. 

"Morning, Dr. Copeland."

"Good morning, Evan," Dr. Copeland says. "How are we doing this morning?"

Buck's eyes drift into the kitchen where Eddie's attempting to help Christopher make pancakes, and he smiles. "Great. Really really great."

There's still a lot to work through. Buck knows that. But he's also learning to embrace the good when he has it. And right now, with Eddie and Christopher laughing and burning pancakes in the kitchen, he definitely has it good.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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